Motherhood is messy, magical, and everything in between – the realest kind of love.
This Mother’s Day, we’re celebrating the raw, honest, and beautiful realities of motherhood.
We sat down with two inspiring mums, Tui Mārama Keenan and Shoshannah Shand, for a Q&A on the real side of mothering — the chaos, the connection, the deep love, and the unexpected lessons along the way.
Shoshannah is a solo mum of two, raised wild and rooted in nature. She’s travelled New Zealand by bus and car, turning outdoor adventure into a way of life and now inspires other families to do the same, no matter the budget.
What’s something you wish more people understood about being a mum — not the Instagram version, but the real, messy, beautiful truth?
Something I wish people understood about being a mum is that when you share your life on an online platform, people only see a small part of it, and you feel like you can’t share any of the really real stuff because then you get judged terrifically. So a lot of the deep struggles I would keep to myself — and a lot of other mums feel the same way. I think something people need to understand is the actual, real, deep struggles — especially when you are experiencing sickness and you're on your own with these little people you’re supposed to be keeping alive, and you can barely keep yourself alive. Those real hard moments that push you past your breaking point — that’s something I was not prepared for when I became a mum.
Can you describe a moment where you felt like, “Yes, I’m actually doing this mother-thing OK” — even if it was total chaos around you?
I think a moment I felt like I’m actually doing this mother thing was when I was two kids down and I was managing to keep them alive and cook delicious, nutritious meals most days. That feels like a big win to me, when the house is reasonably clean, dinner is cooked and nutritious, and I can get both the kids down to bed at a similar time. I feel like I’m totally winning at parenting.
What’s the weirdest or most hilarious thing your child has ever said to you, that still makes you laugh?
My kids say really funny, hilarious stuff to me all the time, when they’re toddlers and they mispronounce words. I love that my toddler keeps talking about a bath but can’t say the word, so she just says “bap.”
Motherhood can change how we see ourselves — what has being a mum taught you about “you”?
Motherhood has taught me a lot about myself — especially my resilience, and the fact that I didn’t know what exhausted or tired meant until I became a parent. I learnt to function on very little sleep, constantly. I learnt to love my body a lot more as I saw the scars and the things that I had gone through to bring life into the world. I had a new appreciation for myself.
What do you hope your child (or children) will remember most about the way you loved them?
I hope my kids remember how much I love them. I hope they remember me being fun and playful — and not just tired and exhausted and stressed. I hope they remember the things I did to help them grow up to be strong individuals.
What’s one of the most epic fail moments you had as a mum?
I’m sure I’ve had lots of epic fail moments. I’m trying to remember one or two. I am a mother with ADHD — I was diagnosed this year. My life is constant chaos and lots of epic fails every day because I am so impulsive, and being sleep-deprived while having kids makes you extra frazzled and overwhelmed. I’m still trying to think of an epic fail moment... maybe one related to tramping. I thought my child was pretty well toilet-trained, and then we were in a hut. I went out to get firewood and came back, and they had had an accident — but it’s very awkward trying to clean things up inside a tramping hut, and I was having to rush between the toilet and the hut and clean things up with very limited cleaning supplies because we were out in the middle of the bush. Although that’s maybe more of a gross story. I’m not sure if you’d want to share that one.
If you could go back and whisper something into the ear of your just-became-a-mum self, what would you say?
If I could go back in time, I would tell myself that it’s gonna be okay. You’ll figure things out. You will do a lot of things you said you would never do, and you will change a lot — and that’s okay. We like change.
